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Most days I am overly tired, (very fatigued). It is hard for me to do my normal activities. Making the bed (I am not talking about changing the sheets etc, just the daily making) is the worse and I now have to stop and rest twice even with 4 Liters of Oxygen per minute. Today I had to sit down to do my hair because all that arm use took my oxygen and my legs got weak. Still glad I have hair again, but am thinking of a shorter cut to save energy.
At Pulmonary Rehab on Monday, I walked on the treadmill for 2 minutes, with 4 liters at a speed of 1/6th (damn slow) of a mile per hour. My blood oxygen level dropped to 84%. Anything below 90 is not acceptable. Today they kicked the Oxygen up to 5 and after 2 minutes I was at 92. They still stopped me after 2 minutes to rest. We are really hoping to improve upon this.
Taking the Oxygen off long enough to pull a top over my head takes all my air. So just getting dressed can be exhausting. I rest, then try to do a couple things around the house. Going to the store is difficult at best. I have done some Christmas shopping, I go to one store come home and rest, then some days I go again. It is a slow process, but I am getting there.
I think of dying often and how it will affect the ones I love and I am sad. I cannot stop this process or slow it down, this disease owns me and my body. I am doing all I can to try to remain active on a daily basis and not just sit down and wait. It would be easier to just stay in bed or get up and stay on the couch, but I am not taking that route yet. I do however have to have a nap most afternoons.
Lack of oxygen effects every single part of the body. Once the lungs are scarred with this disease they are unable to move air and there is no way back. So the capacity that I have lost so far is just plain gone, never to return.
At some point I will not be able to care of myself. No one knows when this point will be reached, it could be weeks, months or years or tomorrow. I want it publicly known that when I reach that point I expect Ray to put me in a Hospice facility. He has picked up all the slack so far around here and will continue as long as I am still ambulatory, but once I am not Hospice here I come.
I try to plan ahead and save my energy for what is important to me and makes me happy and I let the rest go. Today for the 1st time I used a electric cart at the Meijer store. I did not like it, but I did do it. Yesterday I did not make the bed.
I am in hopes that Pulmonary Rehab will help me learn coping skills and help me to move the air I have more efficiently. We will see. I have only had 2 sessions. At this point the plan is 3 days a week till March.
I still see lots of beauty and joy in this life and hope that I really am at another plateau and that I stay there for sometime to come. I am blessed in many, many way, this disease is just a challenge I have been given. Life is full of challenges.
I am looking forward to Christmas. I am also looking forward to the New Year and whatever new challenges I will have. One year ago tomorrow I was told I had stage 3 B inoperable Lung Cancer, today I am 7 months cancer free. That my friends is a miracle.
Life goes on................... :^)
