Graditude

I have been writing this entry in my head all week and just have not sat down to write.  I attended my first PF support group on Saturday.  I found it most helpful and the fact that the group is available to me is one of the things I am grateful for.  We talked a bit about Gratitude in group.  It is a fact that if you focus on gratitude you will feel happier.  I can attest that it works.

For a few weeks maybe more I have been waffling back and forth, thinking I would not be on this good earth come spring and then thinking I have many years left.  Back and forth, back and forth.  In reality we simply have no way of knowing.  I do know this disease took a giant leap forward.  In late May early June, I was participating in the Lance Armstrong Live Strong program at the local YMCA.   I was doing 1.5 hours of controlled exercise without Oxygen.  After my hospitalization in June I am unable to walk 20 ft without Oxygen or I am gasping for air.  In my mind that IS a giant leap.  However, I think now that maybe it has settled down and well stay at this point maybe for years.  I know that it will not go back to prior to June, but I have now (for the most part accepted) where I'm at now.  I still get frustrated with the cords, tubes, new appendage but I am also grateful for it as with it I can continue to have a good quality of life.  Yes, it is a new way of doing things, but I am still able to do things.

I can go shopping, I can visit with friends for lunch, I can bake and do some minor housekeeping.  True I get tired quicker, lots quicker, but none the less am still mobile and I am Grateful.

I have a new Granddaughter, Jillian Elanor and at this point I am planning on watching her start Kindergarten.  She is wonderful and the Boggs Sisters are going to take the world by storm.

Thanksgiving is upon us and I am grateful that I feel able to host dinner for the family.  Yep I will need more help, but feel very able to get it done in our traditional fashion of semi-homemade.  We have all the traditional food & trimmings and I am so looking forward to this week of preparation and having the kids here.  I am looking forward to sharing time with Leah as she helps me this week.  We do plan to have Leah take over the hosting of Thanksgiving next year no matter where I am with this disease.

I am trying to lay in bed each morning for a few minutes and Count my Blessing One by One before I start each day.  I believe this has helped me to feel better.  I also try to do this again each night before my prayers.   Next week I will have to spend some time researching end of life stuff.  Like a directive, palliative care, wills etc.  Everyone should really do this as really we just never know.  One split second can change a whole life.  I want things to be as easy as possible for my loved ones when I leave this world, so this must be done.  After all there really is only one way out of this world and we all have a ticket at some point.  What is the boy scout model - Be Prepared.

I have learned that when you focus on gratitude you quickly learn what is really important and what is not.  Try it for yourself.  Have a wonderful day everyone.  Here is Michigan the sun is shinning bright and I intend on enjoying the warmth of it.